My Phone Is Too Smart

Yes, dear readers, David and I are being pulled, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century. Since David recently took a second position in a property management firm (He’s still doing general brokerage real estate! Don’t stop calling!), we realized that he really did need a smartphone, and since it’s only ten dollars more for me to have one, too, we jumped into the smartphone world.

ImageFirst of all, I was still under the impression that you got a new phone FREE after two years of being a loyal customer. Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve upgraded, evidently, since now you pay $200 for a phone and say “thank you” for the privilege. Michael would not allow David to settle for anything less than the Samsung Galaxy S-III, which was $200 before we added on all of the extras that are actually essential, not extra. Because I am sweet and wonderful, I saved money by getting the $50 Droid Razr instead. I did get a cute, pink cover. My other phone was so old that they couldn’t change our calling plan before we got the phones via FedEx, because if they put us on a data plan, my phone would die—which would be bad, considering that we don’t have a home phone.

The day we received the phones was the day I had a blowout on I-40, so by the time I got home (safely!), all I did was call and change us to the real plan and charge up the phone. The next evening, my sister called to tell me that she was rushing our mom to the emergency room. I hung up with her and called David, who happened to be walking in the door, and my sister called me back. I could not figure out how to answer the call waiting! Furthermore, when I tried to call her back, I somehow hooked her number onto David’s number and got this message: “We’re sorry. You do not have international calling enabled on your plan.” I started crying and wailed to David, “My mother is having a stroke and I can’t even answer my phone!” He made soothing noises and sat next to me, promptly crushing my glasses. Now I couldn’t see, either. Thank the good Lord, Mom is at home and mending nicely, and I have spent some time on the Verizon Wireless tutorial site.

Did you know that there is no tutorial on how to send a text? None. There is one on how to attach documents to a text, which, if I knew how to text, might be handy. Apparently, all the world knew how to text but me. I Googled it, and it showed a little box with a pen-looking object in it, but I could not see anything like that on my phone. It didn’t help that the factory setting for the screen saver is about ten seconds. By the time you unlock the phone and start looking for icons, the screen goes dark. So my first task was to get the doggone screen to stay on long enough for me to find the settings icon! There actually was a tutorial for that. Afterward, I figured out that the little plus sign is how to start a new text. I’ve sent, like, ten texts now and consider myself an old pro. The most entertaining text I’ve received so far was from a friend last Friday telling us how her daughter had just had a baby on her bathroom floor—and no, it was not supposed to be a home birth. As texts go, that one will be hard to beat.

I told Michael before I got the phone that what I really wanted was an MP3 player with a phone attached. He got all of my music onto GooglePlay, which is nice, and then I went to figure out how to create my own ringtones from my music. I Googled around and found a free app called RingDroid, but it did not pull in all of my music, as it was supposed to. Now I find out that I need an SD card to put my music on my actual device. Why did no one tell me this before? So, I have one in my Amazon cart, waiting for David’s closing later this week.

Finally, I fell in love with my phone. It’s not the vivid green screen with the little red bug on it or even the weather app right on the home screen. Sunday night, I really wanted to watch something on YouTube, but I needed to walk on the treadmill. I attached the “Sports Headphones” to the phone, logged onto Chrome, found Robert Lustig’s “Sugar: The Bitter Truth” (very motivational), and watched almost the whole thing while I sweated and puffed. Granted, I could not see his teeny-tiny charts and graphs, but I got the gist. I am so impressed! I could get used to this.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life's Travails- Big and Small

3 responses to “My Phone Is Too Smart

  1. First, sorry that you were panicked about your mom and couldn’t call….that’s a bummer! But I must say that this was a funny account…and only too familiar!! Frank has had to go into the phone store twice…first to ask how to answer his phone (he was swiping it both ways and hanging up the call) and then to find out how to close apps…which he has promptly forgotten how to do! I feel your pain!

    • Yes, Michael taught me to put my thumb on the wiggling white phone in the center and drag it to the green phone on the right. I said, “Oh, yeah. That’s intuitive.”

  2. This reminds me of the Homer Simpson triumphant chant, “I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T-! S-M-R-T-! Welcome to smrt-phoneness!

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